Nelson's Personal Top Ten Commandments Slash Resolutions of 2015

In my vain quest to better myself, I wrote the "Nelson's Personal Top Ten Commandments Slash Resolutions of 2015", which I'm printing out and framing somewhere so it looks all cool and stuff:

1. Thou shalt be funnier
2. Thou shalt allow thyself more time for creativity
3. Thou shalt NOT be sequestered into banal activities that succumb thee to procrastination like "videogames" or "let's go visit my mother"
4. Thou shalt write some more, including another script. The wise sage Luc Besson wrote "Leon" in 2 weeks and that turned out fucking awesome.
5. Thou shalt return to a major inner-city comedy club to perform and make the proletariat laugh and giggle at new and fancy shit.
6. Thou shalt live in a palatial home with a marble...kitchen counter, and a functioning toaster.
7. Thou shalt NOT use said toaster, as thou hast denied thyself ALL carbs.
8. Thou shalt stay focused and driven...and by driven, meaning thou shall have sold thy motor-veHEEcle and opt for walking to thy abode of employment
9. Thou shalt continue to love those near thee, and remember to call at least one person a week for a chat and a debate.
10. Thou shalt love thyself...and remember that thou were the fastest swimmer out of a couple of trillion others that didn't make it.

Happy New Year for 2015, everybody.